Monday, April 02, 2007

Scientific Fact: Hitler = Comedy Gold

"Dude, what you wanna do today?"
"I dunno - watch Hitler drive his car around?"

Rich: Alright, new guy, I’m going to need that quarterly report from you before next Thursday, kay?

Hitler: Ja, und I am sorry I haven’t had it on your desk already.

Rich: Whoa, whoa… Jesus Christ, are you Hitler?

Hitler: Ja ja, guilty as charged. Is dis goink to be die problem?

Rich: Holy fuck, what the hell? Hitler?

Hitler: Alright, dis is not die first time I am to havink dis conversation, ya? In 1945, I vas cryogenically frozen und, 60 years later, I vas unfrozen und hired by die temp agency. Und now you are findink me here.

Rich: No, no way. I am not going to let Adolph Hitler work for this company. You can find work elsewhere, pal.

*****

Susan: Well, after I got my Master’s degree, I decided I’d travel around Europe for a few years, and then I ended up staying in New Zealand for a while after I met this guy… oh, goodness, I must be boring you! I’m so bad at this!

Hitler: Nein, you are doink fine. I must say, I am qvite fascinated by your life’s story, Susan.

Susan: Ahh heck, you sure know how to charm a lady. Say… there’s something so familiar about you…

Hitler: Vell, you know, dis I get qvite often.

Susan: Oh… oh Jesus. Jesus Christ, you’re Adolph Hitler!

Hitler: Ha, ja, die vun und only! You should see die look und your face!

Susan: Oh, my god, I need to get out of here. Oh, Jesus, oh Jesus…

Hitler: Hey, you are thinkink dis is easy for me?! Try beink cryogenically frozen for 60 years und findink out zhat you are die vurld’s most hated person! It is very difficult for me personally, ya?

*****

Hitler: Vaiter, I vas vunderink vhat you might recommend on die menu, ya?

Waiter: Well sir, the lobster bisque is a perennial fave if you’re looking for an appetizer.

Hitler: Oh, nein. I am not die fan of die seafood, I’m afraid. Let us just say dat me und die shellfish do not get along!

Waiter: In that case, our pan-roasted duck breast is an excellent choice. It comes served in orange mead sauce over a… wait, hold on…

Hitler: Ach, here ve go again…

Waiter: Oh, oh Christ… you’re Adolph fucking Hitler?!

Hitler: Ja ja. Vhat gave it away, Einschtein – mein moustache? Or maybe it vas die haircut?

Waiter: Good Lord, this is not happening. Oh Jesus, this is awful. God, please, somebody phone the police!

Hitler: Ja, und vhere vere die police vhen I vas schtuck in die cryogenic chamber for 60 years, ein?

Waiter: Oh, sweet Jesus, no! I can’t believe this… Christ! This is the most hated man in history!

Hitler: Oh, come on, man! I am sittink right here!

4 Comments:

Blogger sare said...

I feel like I've been waiting about 17 years for you to update your blog... and now I remember why... Ha HA!

11:52 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you're on to something, i see a great sitcom in the making, sorry if I steal your idea and make a hit BBC series..
I'll show mom and dad I can make it too

Danny Gervais...you may know my bro Ricky

10:46 pm  
Blogger Mike said...

I bow my head to you, Mr. Gervais. Everyone knows that the UK leads the world in Nazi-based humour.

3:12 pm  
Anonymous Salene said...

Interesting to know.

11:36 am  

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