Friday, April 07, 2006

Then I Was Slain By An Elf

There's no doubt that World of Warcraft is a fun game. Sure, the $20 monthly fee could be used for something more useful - like cigs - but fuck it.

That said, the game does have a few issues. Among them:

1) The Undercity
What the hell is with this tacky looking piece of crap capital city with the neon green water? My ability to suspend disbelief when playing a fantasy game is strained as it is - no need to make me work harder at it with the giant green guys with cartoony arms grafted onto their backs.

2) The things you fly on in the Barrens
You know, sometimes Blizzard character design sucks (don't ask me to cite an example outside of this though). Guys, you had me at "flying lion". No need to add the bat wings and the skeletal tail and probably other crap I haven't noticed. Too many random animal parts spoil the broth, right?

3) The Tauren
Come on, these guys suck. And I'd bet that if you check the stats, the least-selected character is a female Tauren. Just having one in my party is enough to kinda not care, you know (especially ones who can't frigging heal you!)?

4) That one cartoony cart of dynamite in Orgrimmar
What's with that giant cart of dynamite near the weaponsmith in Orgrimmar that looks like it's from a Tex Avery cartoon? Like I said, it's tough to suspend disbelief in this game. And I know the whole Warcraft universe isn't exactly supposed to be photorealistic or anything, but come on!

And speaking of Orgrimmar, what's with the houses that look like they're from the Flintstones? With the spiky bones and stuff?

5) The Undead
Call me racist, but I'm just not sold on this whole race of zombies. Not cool enough. I'm sorry Anarchos, but it's true. Gnomes, Undead and the Tauren shoulda been replaced by something cooler. Like fish people or something. Or a cool race of lion people, or lizard people.

6) Bad character names
You know, it really grinds my balls when I'm running around Silverpine Forest ("Woo! *I'm* from Silverpine Forest!) and run into some loser with a name like KillMasta or RimJobber.

Hey, if you had a friend named James Robertson, a good nickname for him would be Jim Rob. Like "Rim Job", get it?

7) They should throw you a bone around level 20-25
At 40, you get a horse. At 60, you can finally stop playing. But what do I get for a good 2-3 weeks of work? Nothing. You should at least get something cool, like a parrot or something.

8) Character customization sucks
So there are two models for each race (male/female), no matter the class. You can't change body type, size, weight, nor can you really muck around with the face. THQ makes games with better character customization, and they produced the world's worst videogame (this is normally where I'd send you to the Wikipedia's entry for the Rocky and Bullwinkle game, but there really isn't much there).

Anyway, that's what I've got. If I could change one of them, I think it'd be the Undercity. As if
navigating capital cities isn't shitty enough, you know?



Blogger Swing Dancing Sally said...

Really now, is WoW soo exciting that you have to leave a 10 mini paragraph rant about it? Hmmm I am pretty sure that i can think of better ways to occupy my time...
And as for the 5 minutes I spent reading said entry... I would love to get those precious minutes back... SNNNNAP

5:43 pm  
Blogger Mike said...

In those five minutes, you could have gained at least... 1000 exp. by killing a few Razormane Waterbacks in the Barrens.


5:46 pm  
Blogger Swing Dancing Sally said...

Ya, good point I'll keep that in mind next time I am contemplating what to do for the next five minutes... And then I'll remember how much I regretted the last five minutes that I spent contemplating WoW, and regret how I just spent five minutes contemplating Wow AGAIN! NO ! NO ! NEVER ! DAMN WARCRAFT TO HELLLLLLLL !

9:21 pm  

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