Overheard in the Mushroom Kingdom

That goddamn tease...

Princess Peach: Boy, that sure was a tiring tennis match, Mario! I think I’m gonna take a breather!

Mario: You and me both, Princess. I’m pooped!

Princess: It sure is a nice day out today!

Mario: Yeah, and you’re not looking too bad yourself.

Princess: Why thank you!

Mario: And, Jesus, your little tennis skirt…

Princess: Oh, Mario… please, don’t get like this again.

Mario: Part of you wants it Princess, admit it.

Princess: Mario, I don’t think we should be having this conversation.

Mario: Listen, I get where we stand. I get it, okay? You’ve made it pretty clear. But my point now is that you owe me. You owe me. After all the shit I have been through to save your tight little ass – four times I can think of off the top of my head, but I know there’s gotta be more – I think I’ve got a little taste coming, wouldn’t you say? To say nothing of the instances during which I thought I’d found you, only to be told that you were in another castle. That happened at least seven times. At least!

Princess: So you’re saying now that you’d have left me with King Koopa to die if you knew you weren’t getting anything more than my most heartfelt gratitude?

Mario: You’re goddamn right that’s what I’m saying. I mean, what does a guy have to do?! Christ, I even bought you that pink go kart.

Princess: Well excuse me, but I thought you gave that because you were nice.

Mario: Nice? Nice?! That thing cost me 300 coins! I could have had 3 free lives instead of that thing! Listen, alright, I know I’m not doing myself any favours here. I’m short, a little pudgy - moustache might not be the most fashionable - but cut me some slack, for chrissakes. What are my options here? There’s a couple turtles, some walking mushrooms with faces… and then you and Princess Daisy.

Princess: And what’s wrong with her, anyway?

Mario: Jesus Peach, she gave it up for Luigi after one round of golf. One!

Princess: Goodness…

Mario: Well, that’s it. I am done. You want yourself saved, you’d better think about finding some other sap to string along.

Princess: Mario, I don’t think you’re being fair…

Mario: Fuck this, I’m giving Pauline a call.