Thursday, May 03, 2007

Overheard in the Mushroom Kingdom

That goddamn tease...

Princess Peach: Boy, that sure was a tiring tennis match, Mario! I think I’m gonna take a breather!

Mario: You and me both, Princess. I’m pooped!

Princess: It sure is a nice day out today!

Mario: Yeah, and you’re not looking too bad yourself.

Princess: Why thank you!

Mario: And, Jesus, your little tennis skirt…

Princess: Oh, Mario… please, don’t get like this again.

Mario: Part of you wants it Princess, admit it.

Princess: Mario, I don’t think we should be having this conversation.

Mario: Listen, I get where we stand. I get it, okay? You’ve made it pretty clear. But my point now is that you owe me. You owe me. After all the shit I have been through to save your tight little ass – four times I can think of off the top of my head, but I know there’s gotta be more – I think I’ve got a little taste coming, wouldn’t you say? To say nothing of the instances during which I thought I’d found you, only to be told that you were in another castle. That happened at least seven times. At least!

Princess: So you’re saying now that you’d have left me with King Koopa to die if you knew you weren’t getting anything more than my most heartfelt gratitude?

Mario: You’re goddamn right that’s what I’m saying. I mean, what does a guy have to do?! Christ, I even bought you that pink go kart.

Princess: Well excuse me, but I thought you gave that because you were nice.

Mario: Nice? Nice?! That thing cost me 300 coins! I could have had 3 free lives instead of that thing! Listen, alright, I know I’m not doing myself any favours here. I’m short, a little pudgy - moustache might not be the most fashionable - but cut me some slack, for chrissakes. What are my options here? There’s a couple turtles, some walking mushrooms with faces… and then you and Princess Daisy.

Princess: And what’s wrong with her, anyway?

Mario: Jesus Peach, she gave it up for Luigi after one round of golf. One!

Princess: Goodness…

Mario: Well, that’s it. I am done. You want yourself saved, you’d better think about finding some other sap to string along.

Princess: Mario, I don’t think you’re being fair…

Mario: Fuck this, I’m giving Pauline a call.


Blogger Andrew said...

Oh, poor Mario! I guess that is just how those bourgeois princess-types roll; I had always hoped Peach was different...

3:56 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fuck Pauline, Give Bowser a call, I hear he's been looking for a moustache ride. (Greg)

12:59 pm  
Blogger Mike said...

Luigi would take it from Bowser for 2 coins.

2:39 pm  
Blogger Cameron said...

What's the deal with having two princesses anyway? When am I rescuing Peach and when am I rescuing Daisy? Fuck.

11:19 am  
Blogger Cameron said...

And Mario could definitely facefuck rape one of those walking mushroom faces, kill it, chop it up, and make some tasty sauteed mushroom sauce for his stereotypical spaghetti dinner.

11:21 am  
Blogger Mike said...

Not that I knew this during high school when the girls were passing me by or anything, but Princess Peach/Toadstool is princess of the Mushroom Kingdom, while Princess Daisy is princess of Sarasaland.

2:16 am  
Blogger Andrew said...

so with Peach is blonde and "high maintenance" whereas Daisy is more likely to show up for tennis or gokart racing without the hallucinogenic allegories in between...?

12:34 pm  

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