Worth a Shot

I do not want to imply that your mother is of considerable girth, but might I kindly suggest that she purchase the Slim Effect for Larger Figures?

Dear Sears Canada,

In your fall/winter 2006 catalogue, I came across a photo on page 16 of a woman modeling a “Jessica” brand vest. She looks a bit petite, blonde… maybe a B-cup. As a male I have no interest in the product being advertised, but I was wondering if you could provide me with the model's address, or even her telephone number? Maybe if you know if she uses MSN, maybe you could send me her MSN address? I promise I won’t do anything weird. I might just chat her up, see if I can’t get anything going, you know?

Anyway, I thank you in advance for your help in this matter. Even though I would never buy clothes without trying them on in a store first, and I don’t think anyone has ever really used a catalogue since the 1950s, I like to look through yours. I look forward to getting the next one in a couple weeks!

Sincerely,
Mr. Michael J. Smith

PS: Whatever happened to Roebuck?

*****

Mr. Smith,

Regretfully, due to company policy, we are unable to provide you with the contact details of any of our models. We hope you appreciate our concerns with respect to their privacy.

If you have any further questions regarding our catalogues, department stores, Sears Home Outfitters or our Mastercraft brand of power tools, please feel free to contact us or visit our website at www.sears.ca. We thank you for your interest in Sears Canada, and look forward to your continued patronage.

Sincerely,
N. Allan Underwood
V.P. Consumer Affairs
Sears Canada

PS: Mr. Alvah C. Roebuck died in 1948 at the age of 84.