Overheard in Ancient Rome

The Sack of Rome

We join our characters in situ, as Emperor Romulus Augustus is met by one of his retainers. The date is September, 476 CE.

“Emperor! Barbaric invaders are sacking Rome!”

”Again with the sacking?”

“I am afraid so, your Excellency.”

“Vandals this time? They really vandalified the place last time.”

”No sir, it’s some Germanic tribe.”

“The Germanics? It’s always something with them. Well, alright… time to call it a day, I guess.”

“Sir?”

“Yeah, you know. The whole ‘Roman Empire’ thing. Might as well call it quits at this point, eh?”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

”Meh, we had our fun. Roads. Some decent cities. Had a couple columns. Did we invent cement?”

”I believe so, sir.”

”Right. Oh, and the aqueduct. Can’t forget the aqueduct. That’s a pretty good run, eh? What say we just pack ‘er in while the going’s good?”

“Sir, my God, they’re just cutting the Colosseum apart and taking the marble!”

”Yeah. Yeah, they’ll do that. And who can blame them? Listen, Steve – you’re a good kid. Get outta town while you still can, maybe take that wife over to Byzantium and enjoy yourselves. I’ve got a brother there. I’ll give him a heads up.”

”If… if you insist…”

”Well Steve, I do. Now let’s just sit back and enjoy the next, say… 1000 years of unparalleled human achievement.”