People and Places

A Moustache-less Wayne Rostad: Creepier Than You Ever Imagined

Director: Okay Wayne, let’s get started on these promos.

Wayne: Right on, champ!

Director: Okay, let’s go. Take one.

Wayne: I’m Wayne Rostad! Join me as I visit a man in Moose Jaw who has a collection of over 15, 000 hubcaps!

Director: Great stuff, Wayne. Let’s do the next.

Wayne: I’m Wayne Rostad! This week, be sure to follow me as I visit a woman in Churchill who has Canada’s largest bag of toenail clippings!

Director: Perfect. Next one?

Wayne: I’m Wayne Rostad! This week, I’ll be dropping in on a family in Nanaimo who have been sharing the same pair of shoes between them for the past 34 years!

Director: Just great. I’m already there, man. Okay, a couple more.

Wayne: I’m Wayne Rostad! Don’t miss us this week, as I visit a man in Medicine Hat who has the world’s only locket of Hitler’s hair!

Director: Whoa, okay, Wayne, you actually taped that?

Wayne: Oh, you bet! Back in April. You should see the thing. It’s like holding a piece of Hitler in your hands.

Director: Well, sure thing. Let’s move on, kay?

Wayne: I’m Wayne Rostad! Next week, I’ll check in on a man in Waterloo who doesn’t think Black people should be allowed to vote!

Director: Ha ha, nice try, funny pants. Just read what’s on the card, okay?

Wayne: But I did. We recorded that segment back in June.

Director: About a guy who doesn’t want Blacks to vote?

Wayne: Yep, just another slice of Canadiana. Wacky country, eh?

Director: Okay, sure, I guess. Let’s try the next one?

Wayne: I’m Wayne Rostad! Next week, be sure to tune in as we visit a man in Trois Rivieres who forces his wife to defecate on the front lawn!

Director: Okay, Wayne, just stop it.

Wayne: What?

Director: The fake promos. I mean, I’m not saying it’s not funny, but Rex Murphy is in here in five minutes to do his thing, and we need to get out.

Wayne: But they’re not fake. Listen, I’m just taking a look at Canada’s wacky, whimsical side. If you’ve got a problem with that, you can shove it.

Director: Alright, alright. A few more.

Wayne: I’m Wayne Rostad! Next week, come with me as I visit a woman in Goose Bay who has had the hiccups for 17 years!

Director: Okay, thanks. That’s more like it. Last one, Wayne.

Wayne: I’m Wayne Rostad! On this week’s episode, I’ll be in Flin Flon to visit a man who’d rather have intercourse with young boys than women!

Director: Chirst Wayne, that’s it!

Rex Murphy: Did somebody mention young boys?