The More You Know

If only this poor, disaffected youth had had a helping hand

This blog post is aimed specifically at girls attending high school alongside angsty Muslim boys: For the love of God, fuck the living shit out of them. Invite him over to your place for a study session, and then just go to town on him. Seriously. He might protest, saying that the woman should never speak, let alone get on top. Just close your eyes, ignore him, and get the job done. Quite likely, you could prevent a terrorist attack from happening, if Loney McLoser’s life is any indication:

“By 2005, he had also become depressed. Those who knew him attributed the change to his mother's death in an accident the year before and the fact a girlfriend broke up with him.

Ahmad and Amara transferred after Grade 10 from Meadowvale to another Mississauga high school where friends say they became reclusive.”

See that lonely Muslim kid alone at lunch, reading Popular Mechanics all by himself? Go up to him. Introduce yourself. When he recoils at the sight of a female attempting to shake his hand, just cup his balls and give him a wink.

Next time some Muslim dude whips out a 12-sided die, instead of explaining to him why you’re wearing jeans and a t-shirt, take him out under the bleachers and give him a blow job.

No, seriously.

PS: Also, try not to accidentally kill his mom, I guess.