Tuesday, May 02, 2006

A Brave Stab at a Man Who Will Never Read My Blog

Which of the following are enduring images of Hell?


Trick question! They both are! The bottom photo is of my ex-roommate's bedroom. It is filthy in a way that reflects poorly on his very character. Now, over the past five years, I have calculated that I've had 11 roommates. They were all good people, and I got along fine with them - except for this last guy. He is, without a doubt, an irredeemable, soulless cretin without a shred of dignity or respect for any other living human being (big fan of Tupac, Biggie and Bob Marley though!). Among his faults:

- Look at that room. The photo is in no way doctored. This is how this person lives for 8 months, at least. It is so messy, you have to figure that something is wrong with him in some way.
- He uses the stovetop element to light his cigarettes
- These cigarettes are smoked indoors
- Big fan of the Italian shower. So bad I can taste it in my mouth.
- Enjoys inviting his friends over at 3 am for a rousing good game of Halo
- If no friends over at 3 am, will engage in an impromptu freestyle session. Again, this is at 3 in the morning.
- Quite often falls asleep around 6 am
- Dates what I can only assume are girls in high school
- Unable to have an emotionally mature conversation with these girls
- Takes handfuls (with his hand) of your margarine to grease up his George Forman grill. Imagine opening your brand new margarine container and finding that a human being has literally scopped a third of it out with his bare hands.
- You know when you wipe your bum, and then put the toilet paper in the toilet? This concept escapes this roommate, as I have found shit-stained toilet paper on his washroom floor.
- Also (and this might have been evident when I mentioned the Italian shower), his B.O. is the type that really fills up his room and kinda makes it awkward to talk to him.
- You know when you talk on the phone, you use a level of voice quiet enough so your fellow roommates cannot hear you? And you know how if they were sleeping (and you'd know they were sleeping cause it was 4 am), you'd be extra careful to do this? This guy doesn't do this.

There are probably more. Perhaps my good roommates can chime in with a few. But, my God, I cannot stress what a terrible human being this person was.

Mike

7 Comments:

Anonymous Vanelli Danelli said...

gaaaaaahhhhh! the horror (o_O)

6:09 pm  
Blogger sare said...

hahahah... i've had some nasty roommate experiences myself. thsi one sounds like a real peach!!

9:17 pm  
Blogger sare said...

ps. i can't type (thsi??)

9:17 pm  
Blogger Mike said...

Well, the thing is this is the only bad roommate experience for me. Sure, I've had one or two that I really never spoke to, never really had anything in common with. This is the only certifiably "bad" roommate experience. It's like... you know how they say some murderers are just incapable of feeling emotions like guilt or remorse? I think this guy just can't feel shame.

9:26 pm  
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