Adventures in Berlin!

Here is a photo of something that is in Berlin

Since we bombed the crap out of it, there isn’t too much of the Old World charm left in Berlin. Rather disappointingly, it looks much like any major city you might find in North America (with a few twists). I could never tell if I was in East or West Berlin at any given moment, and the layman would be hard-pressed to figure out from the buildings. The change this city must have undergone in the past 15 years is pretty radical.

One thing I like about Berlin is the permissive attitude. Want to piss on the street? Go ahead! Care to drink in a nursery school? Hell, you can probably do that, too. Andrew and I stumbled upon this old department store that is now a squatter’s… something. It’s not full of homeless people or anything, but I can hardly say it’s all too inviting. People have set up studios in there, unlicensed bars… probably some brothels, I’d imagine. Interesting place to walk around, but I get the feeling people get murdered there every so often.

I could bore you with tales of the various bars/clubs Andrew and I went to. I’ll spare you that, though, but mention two things: one, mixed drinks are prohibitively expensive. I just don’t get it. Second, the whole atmosphere in a club is really uplifting. Everyone’s just sorta doing their own thing, having a good time and being happy to be around other happy people. Clubs here, by comparison, have a real strained, poisonous feeling to them.

There is a club in Berlin called the Kit Kat Club. It is run by this couple from pornos. The woman manages the door, and only lets in those who exhibit through behaviour and dress some sort of indefinable quality that she’s looking for. Then you go in and have sex with people. Andrew and I had a hard time figuring out how exactly we could get in here given that we’d forgotten our assless chaps back home, but here were my suggestions:

- Actually go out and buy something hardcore with spikes and fake leather and shit. Surely the cost would be worth it, even if we had to throw the outfits out as quickly as possible afterwards.

- Do ourselves up in really emo-type makeup. Mascara, black lipstick, diamonds around eyes, teardrops, etc. I would have been prepared to show up in line topless with metal spikes through my tits if it’d helped.

- Just show up naked. We weren’t exactly sure how the logistics of this one would play out, though. We couldn’t go naked in the cab, so I guess we’d have to take it off before we got in line? But what to do with our clothes? And how would we get back into the hostel afterwards? This really would have needed some planning.

In any event, Andrew and I never ended up going there. It pains me to think that the next time I show up in Berlin, I’ll be far, far too old. And probably have kids and shit. Ahh well. I still screwed this one girl at the hostel anyway.*

* This is a lie