Baby, Why Do You Only Eat My Ass Out When You’re Drunk?

C'mon baby, not in front of the guys

Baby, why do you only eat my ass out when you’re drunk? Don’t think I haven’t noticed. You know I so love the slippery slide of your tongue gliding over and into my anus, but I have to say that, looking back, you’ve been drunk every time you’ve done it.

What do I have to do, baby? You know I wouldn’t hesitate for a second to lick your ass clean. Night or day, high or sober – I’m there and I’m loving it. So why is it so hard for you unless you’ve polished off a bottle of wine?

It’s getting to be I can’t look at myself in the mirror. Do you not like my ass, baby? Do you not feel the rush, your mouth watering as you spread my cheeks to reveal my tightly-wound sphincter, ripe for a lashing?

I’ve done everything I can think of. I’ve lathered various and expensive oils, lotions and creams all over my asshole in a vain attempt to lure your inquisitive little tongue. But, try as I might, it’s all for naught unless you’re liquored up.

I’m not usually one for ultimatums. You know that, baby. But unless you can bring yourself to ream my anus with your tongue while you have your wits about you, my ass is off limits even if you’ve just downed a twenty-sixer. And as much as it pains me, you can bet your ass is going to stay bone dry until we’ve sorted this out.